I have been talking for months about being ‘Burnt out’ and my struggles with depression. It’s something that I don’t sugarcoat. I always try to keep it real with all of you what’s going on. And the thing is summer depression is something that I have been struggling with all of my life. I can’t count it happening the moment the weather starts to get hotter.
I always make a joke that I ‘hibernate’ in the summer. The fact of the matter is that I have a hard time just getting out of bed. It makes the depression and anxiety I struggle with all the time that much worse. And when I realized my depression was way worse this year due to a lot of things (my breakup with my partner being the core of it) I tried to use work as a clutch.
Yeah, that went fucking badly.
Everyone, including my mother, told me that I needed a break but I refused. I wrote Splinter (and yes I will still be writing Splinter) but I broke all the same. Broke on Tuesday, July 12th. I shut everything down and took a two-week vacation.
During that vacation, I mostly watched BLdramas, ate snacks, and stayed away from my laptop. I only picked up my laptop on July 26th. I also thought about how I’m going to do things with the upcoming school year (I’m homeschooling again) and the projects I wanted to write and the projects I felt that I was obligated to do.
And I realized it was time once again to do a self-audit. To figure out what is working and what’s holding me back. What projects do I need to finish and what projects I needed to cut. I also decided to switch up how I write, what format I’m going to write, and how will I better align my writing with my author brand.
It’s a lot but this is long overdue. I also decided that I’m not announcing any new projects until I’m at least in a 2nd draft. I hate that I keep disappointing my peeps and I think this is better for everyone in long run.